I haven't written a blog in a long while, so this one is more of an update and sharing of God's tremendous blessings (with Stephen) in my life over the last year!
Stephen and I went on our first date a year ago today. As I
got ready I was giddy and voiced my crazy wonderings out loud to my sister
Adrienne, “could this be my last first date?!” She told me not to put so much
pressure on it, but it was a thought I had never had before on a first date and
I wondered if this may really be it. Stephen picked me up in time for us to
pray the rosary together before 5:30 evening mass. It is really special that
everything began with the Eucharist for us. After mass we went to Roberts in
Flatonia and then bowling in Schulenburg. We both weren’t ready for the evening
to end so we went driving around. Our first date was wonderful and thankfully
we both wanted another and another.
In years past I had always gotten the “New Year’s blues,”
they hit at my birthdays too. As another year was passing I always wondered,
where is my life going? These “blues” were met with some confusion and even
some despair. I felt directionless or stuck where I was. A few people had even
pointed out to me that this is what they saw. I wondered if I had missed
something, if I hadn’t made the right decision about one thing or another in
the past. What if I missed my chance? I didn’t foresee anything changing in the
near future.
In March of 2020 I had the opportunity of a lifetime to go
away on a 30 day silent retreat. This was the gear shift I needed. Quite
honestly I think we all need something like this. I always knew Jesus loved me,
but I came out of that retreat realizing just how profoundly He loves me, loves
all of us. We are worthy of Him dying for us on the crucifix after all! This
brought in a greater sense of gratitude, a greater desire to be more present,
and a greater desire to live in more spiritual freedom. This all allows one to
just freely be in love with God and live in that love no matter what all is
going on in life. I’m not perfect at this, but it has changed everything.
When my 31st birthday came around in June of 2020,
I didn’t have the blues, even in the pandemic. That’s a huge grace I attribute
to what Jesus gave me in the retreat. I instead I had a lot of gratitude. I had
gratitude for God’s love for me, my life, my family, where we lived, our health
and so much more.
At the same time though I naturally was feeling the loneliness
that covid left us all with. We’re made for communion, made to live in
community with others and covid stole that away for some time. I for one was
missing interaction as some family gatherings were cancelled and every social
event I was used to going to didn’t happen.
It made me realize how much I had taken those things for granted.
Sometime that summer my mom had jokingly said, so how are
you supposed to meet a guy now with a mask on and nowhere to go? Good question
and I wondered that too. In greater spiritual freedom I realized God would just
have to provide for me where I was. I also realized I had to accept that maybe
that wasn’t in His plans for me. As I let go of the things I thought I ought to
be, possibly a nun or possibly married, I realized I had never been free about
the possibility of being single and serving God that way. I still wasn’t free
with Jesus in that initially. I kept looking deeply into everything, every
conversation, everything I did, tried, and enjoyed etc. for a sign, an open
door, something to take a step towards in a vocation. I would even ponder over
the past wondering if I missed something. All the while I was looking so hard
for possibilities and not finding anything, I had no idea God already had
someone in plain sight looking at me and wondering if there was a possibility
with me.
At the beginning of the 2021 instead of New Years blues, I
simply let go of all the digging and overanalyzing and trying to figure out
what God’s plan was for me. I was vulnerable and real with God in my very
simple but honest prayer. I had a lot of gratitude for the life I had. This
greater since of gratitude helped me to simply love and be present where I was.
I had enough of being on the fence, thinking I could be this or that, go here
or there without really committing to anything. I had enough of the fruitless
searching and trying to be open to pursuing opportunities that weren’t actually
there. I also had enough of worrying over what others might think if I did or
went one way or another. I only wanted to please God and realized I already was
pleasing to Him! I, me, His creation is enough! I said okay Jesus let’s go,
I’ll put myself out there, you’ve got to make something of it, make the way
clear.
January 1st 2021, I spent time creating a
CatholicMatch dating profile and bought a one month subscription. Then I
searched into religious orders and took advantage of the fact that everyone was
having virtual discernment retreats. I signed up for three. In my mind I was
imagining I was throwing all of my nets out of the boat, ready to catch on to anything
God desires me to have. Of course I wanted these things to happen the old
fashioned way, in person, but it was 2021 in covid times so I felt like virtual
was the best way to go at the moment.
The evening of January 2nd, I set up a candle
near my statue of St. Ann and lighting it, began a novena with her. In my
novena I asked her to please tell her grandson Jesus that at this point if
there’s a guy in my future or a convent I’ll go either way, it doesn’t make a
difference, but let’s just get this show in the road already! It was blunt, but
honest and authentic. I was appreciative of many things as I said, but at the
same time had to be real with Jesus. I wanted to let go and let Him work!
The very next morning, January 3rd my life was
forever changed. I went to mass with my mom at 8am. We sat in the middle near
the front. It was the feast of the Epiphany. The feast we celebrate the
visiting of the Magi representing God’s love is for all. I don’t remember
anything different about mass. I again was not aware someone had even noticed
me there. At this point in my life I didn’t think anyone was going to notice me in
Hallettsville. If they hadn’t already, they had had plenty opportunity. After
mass my mom and I didn’t see any family to visit as we normally would, with so
just headed out toward the car. I wasn't even aware someone was trying to catch up to me.
At the curb I heard my name being called behind me and was
surprised when I turned to see who it was coming from. It was Stephen. I didn’t
know him. I had seen him around and knew of him. I knew he had something to do
with the fire department because he gave an award to a kid at school a few
years back. That’s all I knew. He asked if he could have a minute of my time
and I said sure. I honestly thought someone must have tipped him off that I was
unemployed. I assumed he might have a job for me someplace and he wanted to see
if I’d be interested. Nope, not at all, the reality was far from that. He said
he had noticed me in church a few times and wanted to know if he could take me
out to lunch sometime to get to know me a little better. I was shocked,
surprised, and speechless. He noticed me?! He and I had never spoken a word to
each other that I know of prior to this, and he was asking me on a date. All I
responded was a very perplexed “sure.” So then he asked if it was alright to
call me and I answered yes that’s fine. He got my number and said he would
call. I said thank you before we parted ways. Mind you we were both wearing
masks so yes mom I suppose you can still meet a guy in a mask.
The rest of the day I was bewildered by what happened and who this guy was. I immediately thought of my novena to St. Ann and thought wow if this is the answer to that, she sure worked fast, Jesus answered His grandmother fast! I continued my novena though with the same prayers being open to whatever path Jesus wanted to take me on. I kept Stephen in my prayers too. As the next few weeks went on we got to know each other on the phone. He had been in contact with someone who had covid so we had to postpone our first date until January 16th.
In that time I canceled my subscription to
CatholicMatch as I wanted to give this opportunity everything rather than
leaving my foot in another door. Those vocation retreats also came, and I did
stay open and participate. Two of them just didn’t strike a chord at all. One
did speak to me, but the things the nun was saying about God’s movement in our
lives just lead me to think of Stephen and how things had been working with him,
the ways God was moving with us. I decided then to freely and fully see where
things went with Stephen and in order to do that I really needed to close this
particular religious vocation door. I prayed to God about my intentions and
asked Him to take care of it all. So I peacefully and freely closed it and set
out to just see where things might go with Stephen. That was a big deal because
for at least 9 years I had always kept this door ajar, the religious life door,
no matter what I was pursuing, I worried if I closed it, I would lose it or
upset someone, or upset God. Really this was a big deal and overwhelming.
Naturally I wanted to be concerned with what the future held or what might be
left behind. I couldn’t have any of that. You can’t sit at the beginning of a
path and figure out what is all down it from the beginning. All I had was the
present day. So all I could do was trust Jesus and let Him lead and take care
of it all just one day at a time. Who knew at the time where this would go? I
didn’t worry over it though and just went forward in trust.
The week before our first date the more we talked on the
phone the more I really wanted to get to know Stephen. A few different people who
knew Stephen personally had also given me some more context of who he was. I
took all these things to prayer during the week, just praying for God’s will
for us, praying for good things for both of us no matter what that meant. I
have to admit, even though I only knew a little of Stephen at this
point, I already was wanting things to go well for us, and I hated the thought
of it all going badly. Rather than getting to caught up in that kind of
thinking though, I just stopped and offered it all up to Jesus.
That first date was perfect and we made plans for another. Being
with Stephen was special and he from the beginning made me feel very special
and cared for. He treated me how I knew I deserved to be treated, but somehow
went above and beyond even my high expectations of that. I was the happiest and
so excited to see what would come! After around the third date or so we began
praying together at the end of our dates, thanking God for good things,
intentions, and closed with a Hail Mary. Stephen even began going to daily mass
with me. I never asked him to, he just said he could and he would and then that
became a special thing for us in the mornings.
Gradually we spent more time together, and had more frequent dates. Early on it began to stand out to me that I had so much peace and joy when I was with Stephen that I hadn’t ever experienced in prior relationships (or visiting convents for that matter.) Certainly I had moments or periods of it before, but it usually came along with me questioning everything and even doubting. I would wonder back and forth about the convent and whether or not this is what God really wanted. With Stephen this didn’t happen. The peace didn’t fade and neither did the joy I experienced in being around him. Noticing this early on it became part of my prayers. I asked all of Stephen and I’s family in Heaven to pray for us too. I felt this could be it, this is really special what we have, and if it is good with Jesus I would like to go all in this direction wherever it takes us. And that direction would need lots of prayers for both of us.
I was overwhelmed, but at the same time very at peace and excited to be experiencing this kind of clarity in my life! I used to hardly believe it when someone, a nun, priest, married man or woman would say the cliché, “you just know.” In the past I knew I wanted what God wanted but didn’t know what that was, I didn’t know what I really wanted either. I wanted both to be the same, but I wasn’t every really free in that. I hoped for good things to come, but didn’t expect to figure out where I was going anytime soon. I didn’t think I would ever “just know.” I assumed I would have to be happy enough with something, happy enough with any vocation, any convent, or any guy. I would just need to choose anything and pray for happiness. Now I was experiencing what I longed for, the clarity and peace and joy that this was God’s will for me and I continued to experience that daily.
I have loved every day knowing Stephen and getting to spend time with him over this last year. Stephen has never failed to treat me with utmost care, kindness and respect. There’s too many examples, but I want to mention a few just to illustrate the kind of man he is. One day early in our relationship he happened to run into me getting some groceries at Brookshire brothers. He took the basket from me and walked around as I got my groceries and then carried all of out out to my car before going back in to get his own. The first time he cooked for me I offered to help with anything and he said no you can just go sit over there and be comfortable, I want to do this for you. I said I could wash dishes, and he said no I’ll do the dishes. On his birthday we went out to eat and my plate came back with something I was allergic to on it to my surprise, it didn’t mention that in the description on the menu. He with-out hesitating traded plates with me. He was right there for me every day through my battle with covid. He let me call him anytime and I sure needed that because quarantine is depressing. He made deliveries of necessities, prescription meds, pedialyte, and a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a letter that really brightened my confinement. When I was over the fever he would sit outside with me and visit at a safe distance. I’ll say it again Stephen treated me in all ways, all the time as I knew I deserved to be treated, but he somehow always even went above and beyond that. These things are natural to him, it is just who he is. He never has made a show of it or drawn any attention to what he does. He’s the definition of humble and kind. He still treats me this way to this day. Early on before he even said it, I knew I was loved and I loved him.
We eventually met each other’s families, spent Easter together, went on a mini road trip to Enchanted Rock, went to a few picnics together and danced to polkas. Explored a cave, took a beach trip, visited a wildlife park and have taken many walks out in the pasture. He was invited to my family’s Rockport vacation and he naturally fit in with everyone. He has given my niece Aubrey and I a couple rides in the fire truck when he read at the library and for the Kolache Fest parade which definitely won her over. For her birthday this year she has asked for a fire engine! I’ve enjoyed getting to know his family too as they’ve welcomed me with so much love it has brought me to tears on a couple occasions. They are just as wonderful as he, we’ve both been truly blessed with amazing people in our families. It has been a lot of fun sharing our lives together over the last year. The best things in life are even better when shared with those you love.
On August 25th I went out to help my dad feed and found a piece of petrified wood. I told Stephen I found a rock for him and he responded that he had a rock for me too. He says he was just kidding around and wasn’t thinking about having a diamond for me, but I admit my wheels were turning when he made that comment! We had planned to have a “nice date” that Friday, the 27th, to get dressed up and head to Victoria. The whole way home from school I was ranting about one thing or another and he just listened. I got home and got dressed up, glad to soon be just spending the evening with Stephen. He picked me up and said we needed to stop by his house for a laptop because things were going on at work that may need his service. He told me to come inside so I didn’t get hot in the truck. I never thought anything of this. He let me through the door first. There on the table was a gorgeous bouquet of roses and a tiny little box. I was in shock. I thought oh my gosh is this it! Is he proposing!? But I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high in case he wasn’t. What if he was just surprising me with new jewelry, something sweet just because he loves me, then I’d feel silly. Then I said be real Alyson, this is it! (these thoughts occurred in seconds.) I turned to him and said, I forgot your rock…. Stephen smiled and came around and took the box and opened it to reveal a gorgeous diamond ring, he got on one knee and asked the question. I said yes with lots of happy tears and the rest is history!
Romans 5:5, “God has poured out His love into our hearts.” This
love of God is a beautiful thing that Stephen and I have been blessed to
experience together over this past year in the love we have for each other. It
is apparent we’re both who God had planned for each other and His timing for us
is perfect. I had been looking, searching, and praying trying to figure out
what decision I could or should make then Jesus hand selected for me way better
than I could have chosen on my own. We have to let go and let Him lead! One
evening in his prayer, Stephen said, “thank you God for the perfect Alyson.” At
first I wanted to object and say no, it isn’t possible for me to be perfect,
only God is perfection. I wasn’t going to correct him in a prayer though. What
he said stuck with me. It made me think about the “pearl” that I am to God, as
I am created, He loves me perfectly. We’re called to love each other as Christ
loves us, the love we have comes from Christ. In what Stephen prayed, I
realized he loves me unconditionally, as I am. I realized this is how Jesus has
called Him to love me and I was profoundly in awe and grateful. I truly believe
Stephen has been in God’s plan for me with the love Jesus has for me. I know in
my heart Jesus has called me to love Stephen in this way too, as he is, as
Jesus created him, a perfect gift.
As I finish this reflection of the past year I am in awe and so grateful for how God has worked in my life, in our lives! Please keep us both in your prayers as we continue to
prepare and countdown to June 18, 2022, the day we will in love with Christ in
His Church, confer to each other the sacrament of Holy Matrimony! 1
