A Special Day for a Bride to Be!

    At 11 days out, I want to share a very special way my friends have helped me to prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage. Last Monday, Memorial day, Wendy, Shannon, and Kayla, surprised me with the most beautiful gift!

They met me at my house a little after 9:00AM to pick me up. I didn’t know where we were going, just was told to dress comfortable, that at some point we would attend daily Mass, and we’d be together all day. I was excited and of course kept trying to figure it all out....trusting in the unknown with Jesus is something I'm still working on....

Our adventure began near the River-walk in San Antonio. We parked just down the street from St. Mary’s church. The plan for the day was then revealed. Shannon said before she got married, Wendy had took her out for a day in San Antonio, and they visited churches and prayed for her upcoming wedding. She said it was one of the most meaningful things anyone had done for her and they wanted to do the same for me. They told me to take a vase with flowers they already had arranged and that I would leave it near a statue of Mary at each church we visited, and we would be praying a decade of the rosary at each of our stops. I was so touched and so excited for what all this day would mean! I really needed this!

This first stop at St. Mary's in downtown San Antonio was perfect. Little did they know that when I was in college, I spent a week of spring break doing a field lab. We had gone all over Texas visiting military bases and ranches learning about different Wildlife Management practices. We were fortunate to have 2 nights spent at a hotel just a short walk from the San Antonio River-walk so in the evenings I took advantage and explored. The first evening I had more time and was able to visit the Alamo and some of the nearby churches. I stumbled across St. Mary’s and found the most beautiful sanctuary and decided to stay a while and pray. There I found my absolute favorite statue of the Blessed Mother and a really neat little hidden statue of St. Therese. I very much felt at peace with God there as I prayed for clarity about my path in life. At the time I really was seriously considering that I could one day be a nun like St. Therese. I didn’t get the clarity I desired in that day, but still had a very fruitful time in prayer.  It was a most needed holy break in the trip.

So when our journey this past Monday began with St. Mary’s I was most excited. I took the flowers and placed them near my favorite statue of Mary and then we knelt together in the pews to pray the first decade. I thanked Jesus for Stephen and the clarity and peace I finally had about the great gift of a vocation God was giving me with Stephen.

Next we raced over to the Basilica of St. Therese of Lisieux for daily mass. The last time I had been here was many years ago with my friend Cherise who is now consecrated. We were given a tour by Fr. Gregory Ross who we had met at Texas A&M when he was a visiting vocation director for the Carmelite Friars. I brought another vase of flowers in and after mass was able to take them to the side altar where they keep a relic of St. Therese of Lisieux. To our surprise, a Carmelite, Br. Vladimir brought the relic up to the grail so that we could venerate it. I thanked St. Therese for her prayers for me and asked her to continue to pray for Stephen and I. I also gave Br. Vladimir my flowers and he placed them on the altar close to the relic. Br. Vladimir then came around to talk to us, curious what 4 young adult women were doing here and bringing flowers and all. We explained the day and he was glad and assured us of his prayers. He also gave us some suggestions of where else to visit including the Grotto at the Oblate School of Theology. Before we left I asked him if he knew Fr. Gregory Ross and he said oh that is our rector, he is here, but today is his day off or rest day. I was excited to hear this, had no idea he was back in Texas, so asked Br. Vladimir to tell him hi for me.

We used the bathrooms and checked out the paintings of St. Therese and St. Theresa of Avila that Br. Vladimir told us about downstairs. Then prayed our next decade of the rosary before leaving out a side door. As we were walking down the sidewalk I looked over into the yard area of the Carmelite house and saw a very familiar tall man on his way towards the garden. It was Fr. Gregory! I yelled for him and Wendy helped me grab his attention. I hurried over and could tell he recognized me and only had to remind him of my name and he remembered me right away saying it has been ages! as he gave me a hug. We were both very excited to see each other! We caught up for a few minutes before I had to continue on. I was so excited, I had thought about him and wondered about sending him a notice of my wedding. I kind of thought the only way I would ever see him again was if Jesus decided to cross our paths. Which He definitely did! I told the girls that this made my day, but was excited to see what else Jesus had in store.

We then decided to venture out to find this Grotto that Fr. Vladimir described to us. It took a bit, but we were glad to add this stop to the trip. The Grotto is absolutely beautiful, a replica of the grotto in Lourdes, France, and a peaceful outdoor sanctuary in the middle of the city. I went and lit a candle in the Grotto and we sat and prayed in thanksgiving for Br. Vladimir. We walked around and explored a bit, finding as well the Grotto for Our Lady of Guadalupe on top which was very incredible. We saw a gift shop too and found it up so decided to browse and take a restroom break. I was happy to find a nice simple wood crucifix in the shop. Stephen and I needed one to say our vows with and so I sent him pictures. He liked it too so I bought it and was happy to have found it during this special trip. 

We met up and started to head back to the car when I noticed a religious sister walking across the grounds. I sped up a bit going in her direction trying to get a better look. I recognized her habit, she was a Daughter of St. Paul and she looked familiar to me. Shannon said where are you going? I said I think I know that nun! She said of course you do! Well the sister kept walking and I was trying to remember her name and finally called out, Sr. Rebecca! She turned and we were both so happy to see each other! It was Sr. Rebecca Hoffart. I had met her when I was discerning with the Daughters of St. Paul. We got to know each other fairly well then and she had also been my spiritual director on a silent retreat I had done with them in Boston. It was a very special reunion! She said she was only in San Antonio for the day and happened to be here, in one of the buildings, and just happened to decide to take a walk outside when we were coming across the grounds. The Holy Spirit definitely brought us together! We were both so thankful. I was so happy and very glad to get to chat with her for a bit and share with her what we were doing. After a brief visit I went back to the car so thankful for this special surprise encounter! I told everyone, okay my day was made but now it is even better!

Next we needed to find lunch. We went to the Riverwalk and had some delicious food before continuing on our journey. Shannon and Wendy had planned for us to be at two churches, but unfortunately St. Joseph’s was locked up. So we took both of the next two vases down to the San Fernando Cathedral. This Cathedral was also a special place of prayer during my trip in college. It is also where I “met” Archbishop Gustavo during a mass following the San Antonio Vocation Awareness retreat. I was in a lot of frustration then on that retreat with the pace, the questions, and other things going on in life at the time. I was not at peace at all. The closing mass though was beautiful and when I brought up offeratory gifts with two other people, Bishop Gustavo told us that whatever God called us to do, to do it well and with love. It reminded me of St. Therese of Lisieux’s encounter with the Pope. Anyhow there we left the vases one at the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and one I moved closer to the tabernacle for Jesus. We prayed our 3^rd mystery before making the long trek back to the car.

On the way home we prayed our 4^th mystery. I was quiet on the way home, both tired and just reflecting on the beauty of the day. I knew we still had one more mystery left to pray and wondered what they had planned for it. They asked about Sacred Heart being open and I thought well this is very cool! They planned it so that we would end off in the church Stephen and I will soon be married in! I assumed it was already locked up though as we arrived after 6pm. To my surprise the doors were open! (Literally very surprised, my face said it all.) So we went in to the Cry Room which is where I will be getting ready that day. We prayed together the last mystery of our rosary and then Wendy and Shannon shared with me another special surprise. They had been praying the rosary on a little pearly white rosary that was blessed by St. Pope John Paul II and now they were giving it to me! I had one before, but had decided to share it with my friend I made at my 30 day silent retreat in Grand Coteau. I’m glad I had given it away, it made me happy to give it away, but have to admit I am very glad to have one again. They already arranged with my florist that she would put it in my bouquet too! I love it! Then they showed me some medals they had for me. St. Joseph, St. Therese, St. Benedict, St. Ann and a little blue enamel Miraculous Medal. These all will be in my bouquet too, but the blue Miraculous Medal I will wear as my “something blue.” If you look up the tradition of “something blue” you will see it is meant to “ward off evil.” Well I can’t imagine there is anything “blue” that could be better to ward off evil than the Blessed Mother herself! We then went and took the flowers to Mary before heading on home.

This day meant so much to me! It was a way to reflect on where I have been and where all Jesus has brought me to. In hindsight I can see now He was there and working all those times I didn't have clarity or felt stuck. It was a beautiful surprise reunion with some people who He had blessed me with to accompany me on my journey in the past.  It reminded me that we are never alone, God made us for communion and we're not meant to go our lives solo. God is always loving us through His goodness in others He places on our path. It reminded me just how loved I am by Jesus with all the special surprises throughout the trip! It was a much needed retreat, or pilgrimage to pray for my upcoming marriage. I am so thankful for the friends God has blessed me with to plan and carry this all out! I was so very touched by all of this. It was all perfect! Perfect day, perfect trip, great friends, and many wonderful surprises! 

If you are a bride or even a groom to be, preparing for your wedding, get you some friends to do this with! I 10/10 recommend that even more important than all of the other kinds of celebrating you do before you get married, you need to take a spiritual day for yourself to pray and prepare for this sacrament. Take a little pilgrimage and get some friends to join with you to pray with the Saints and our Blessed Mother to Jesus for all the graces you need to faithfully live out the gift of this sacred sacrament! The day I had was so meaningful and something I will cherish forever. I am so blessed by these three friends and so thankful to them and to Jesus for the perfect day!

A Year Ago Today

   I haven't written a blog in a long while, so this one is more of an update and sharing of God's tremendous blessings (with Stephen) in my life over the last year!

     Stephen and I went on our first date a year ago today. As I got ready I was giddy and voiced my crazy wonderings out loud to my sister Adrienne, “could this be my last first date?!” She told me not to put so much pressure on it, but it was a thought I had never had before on a first date and I wondered if this may really be it. Stephen picked me up in time for us to pray the rosary together before 5:30 evening mass. It is really special that everything began with the Eucharist for us. After mass we went to Roberts in Flatonia and then bowling in Schulenburg. We both weren’t ready for the evening to end so we went driving around. Our first date was wonderful and thankfully we both wanted another and another.

    In years past I had always gotten the “New Year’s blues,” they hit at my birthdays too. As another year was passing I always wondered, where is my life going? These “blues” were met with some confusion and even some despair. I felt directionless or stuck where I was. A few people had even pointed out to me that this is what they saw. I wondered if I had missed something, if I hadn’t made the right decision about one thing or another in the past. What if I missed my chance? I didn’t foresee anything changing in the near future.

    In March of 2020 I had the opportunity of a lifetime to go away on a 30 day silent retreat. This was the gear shift I needed. Quite honestly I think we all need something like this. I always knew Jesus loved me, but I came out of that retreat realizing just how profoundly He loves me, loves all of us. We are worthy of Him dying for us on the crucifix after all! This brought in a greater sense of gratitude, a greater desire to be more present, and a greater desire to live in more spiritual freedom. This all allows one to just freely be in love with God and live in that love no matter what all is going on in life. I’m not perfect at this, but it has changed everything.

    When my 31^st birthday came around in June of 2020, I didn’t have the blues, even in the pandemic. That’s a huge grace I attribute to what Jesus gave me in the retreat. I instead I had a lot of gratitude. I had gratitude for God’s love for me, my life, my family, where we lived, our health and so much more.  

    At the same time though I naturally was feeling the loneliness that covid left us all with. We’re made for communion, made to live in community with others and covid stole that away for some time. I for one was missing interaction as some family gatherings were cancelled and every social event I was used to going to didn’t happen.  It made me realize how much I had taken those things for granted.

    Sometime that summer my mom had jokingly said, so how are you supposed to meet a guy now with a mask on and nowhere to go? Good question and I wondered that too. In greater spiritual freedom I realized God would just have to provide for me where I was. I also realized I had to accept that maybe that wasn’t in His plans for me. As I let go of the things I thought I ought to be, possibly a nun or possibly married, I realized I had never been free about the possibility of being single and serving God that way. I still wasn’t free with Jesus in that initially. I kept looking deeply into everything, every conversation, everything I did, tried, and enjoyed etc. for a sign, an open door, something to take a step towards in a vocation. I would even ponder over the past wondering if I missed something. All the while I was looking so hard for possibilities and not finding anything, I had no idea God already had someone in plain sight looking at me and wondering if there was a possibility with me.

    At the beginning of the 2021 instead of New Years blues, I simply let go of all the digging and overanalyzing and trying to figure out what God’s plan was for me. I was vulnerable and real with God in my very simple but honest prayer. I had a lot of gratitude for the life I had. This greater since of gratitude helped me to simply love and be present where I was. I had enough of being on the fence, thinking I could be this or that, go here or there without really committing to anything. I had enough of the fruitless searching and trying to be open to pursuing opportunities that weren’t actually there. I also had enough of worrying over what others might think if I did or went one way or another. I only wanted to please God and realized I already was pleasing to Him! I, me, His creation is enough! I said okay Jesus let’s go, I’ll put myself out there, you’ve got to make something of it, make the way clear.

    January 1^st 2021, I spent time creating a CatholicMatch dating profile and bought a one month subscription. Then I searched into religious orders and took advantage of the fact that everyone was having virtual discernment retreats. I signed up for three. In my mind I was imagining I was throwing all of my nets out of the boat, ready to catch on to anything God desires me to have. Of course I wanted these things to happen the old fashioned way, in person, but it was 2021 in covid times so I felt like virtual was the best way to go at the moment.

    The evening of January 2^nd, I set up a candle near my statue of St. Ann and lighting it, began a novena with her. In my novena I asked her to please tell her grandson Jesus that at this point if there’s a guy in my future or a convent I’ll go either way, it doesn’t make a difference, but let’s just get this show in the road already! It was blunt, but honest and authentic. I was appreciative of many things as I said, but at the same time had to be real with Jesus. I wanted to let go and let Him work!

    The very next morning, January 3^rd my life was forever changed. I went to mass with my mom at 8am. We sat in the middle near the front. It was the feast of the Epiphany. The feast we celebrate the visiting of the Magi representing God’s love is for all. I don’t remember anything different about mass. I again was not aware someone had even noticed me there. At this point in my life I didn’t think anyone was going to notice me in Hallettsville. If they hadn’t already, they had had plenty opportunity. After mass my mom and I didn’t see any family to visit as we normally would, with so just headed out toward the car. I wasn't even aware someone was trying to catch up to me.

    At the curb I heard my name being called behind me and was surprised when I turned to see who it was coming from. It was Stephen. I didn’t know him. I had seen him around and knew of him. I knew he had something to do with the fire department because he gave an award to a kid at school a few years back. That’s all I knew. He asked if he could have a minute of my time and I said sure. I honestly thought someone must have tipped him off that I was unemployed. I assumed he might have a job for me someplace and he wanted to see if I’d be interested. Nope, not at all, the reality was far from that. He said he had noticed me in church a few times and wanted to know if he could take me out to lunch sometime to get to know me a little better. I was shocked, surprised, and speechless. He noticed me?! He and I had never spoken a word to each other that I know of prior to this, and he was asking me on a date. All I responded was a very perplexed “sure.” So then he asked if it was alright to call me and I answered yes that’s fine. He got my number and said he would call. I said thank you before we parted ways. Mind you we were both wearing masks so yes mom I suppose you can still meet a guy in a mask.

    The rest of the day I was bewildered by what happened and who this guy was. I immediately thought of my novena to St. Ann and thought wow if this is the answer to that, she sure worked fast, Jesus answered His grandmother fast! I continued my novena though with the same prayers being open to whatever path Jesus wanted to take me on. I kept Stephen in my prayers too. As the next few weeks went on we got to know each other on the phone. He had been in contact with someone who had covid so we had to postpone our first date until January 16^th. 

    In that time I canceled my subscription to CatholicMatch as I wanted to give this opportunity everything rather than leaving my foot in another door. Those vocation retreats also came, and I did stay open and participate. Two of them just didn’t strike a chord at all. One did speak to me, but the things the nun was saying about God’s movement in our lives just lead me to think of Stephen and how things had been working with him, the ways God was moving with us. I decided then to freely and fully see where things went with Stephen and in order to do that I really needed to close this particular religious vocation door. I prayed to God about my intentions and asked Him to take care of it all. So I peacefully and freely closed it and set out to just see where things might go with Stephen. That was a big deal because for at least 9 years I had always kept this door ajar, the religious life door, no matter what I was pursuing, I worried if I closed it, I would lose it or upset someone, or upset God. Really this was a big deal and overwhelming. Naturally I wanted to be concerned with what the future held or what might be left behind. I couldn’t have any of that. You can’t sit at the beginning of a path and figure out what is all down it from the beginning. All I had was the present day. So all I could do was trust Jesus and let Him lead and take care of it all just one day at a time. Who knew at the time where this would go? I didn’t worry over it though and just went forward in trust.

    The week before our first date the more we talked on the phone the more I really wanted to get to know Stephen. A few different people who knew Stephen personally had also given me some more context of who he was. I took all these things to prayer during the week, just praying for God’s will for us, praying for good things for both of us no matter what that meant. I have to admit, even though I only knew a little of Stephen at this point, I already was wanting things to go well for us, and I hated the thought of it all going badly. Rather than getting to caught up in that kind of thinking though, I just stopped and offered it all up to Jesus.  

    That first date was perfect and we made plans for another. Being with Stephen was special and he from the beginning made me feel very special and cared for. He treated me how I knew I deserved to be treated, but somehow went above and beyond even my high expectations of that. I was the happiest and so excited to see what would come! After around the third date or so we began praying together at the end of our dates, thanking God for good things, intentions, and closed with a Hail Mary. Stephen even began going to daily mass with me. I never asked him to, he just said he could and he would and then that became a special thing for us in the mornings.

    Gradually we spent more time together, and had more frequent dates. Early on it began to stand out to me that I had so much peace and joy when I was with Stephen that I hadn’t ever experienced in prior relationships (or visiting convents for that matter.) Certainly I had moments or periods of it before, but it usually came along with me questioning everything and even doubting. I would wonder back and forth about the convent and whether or not this is what God really wanted. With Stephen this didn’t happen. The peace didn’t fade and neither did the joy I experienced in being around him. Noticing this early on it became part of my prayers. I asked all of Stephen and I’s family in Heaven to pray for us too. I felt this could be it, this is really special what we have, and if it is good with Jesus I would like to go all in this direction wherever it takes us. And that direction would need lots of prayers for both of us. 

    I was overwhelmed, but at the same time very at peace and excited to be experiencing this kind of clarity in my life! I used to hardly believe it when someone, a nun, priest, married man or woman would say the cliché, “you just know.” In the past I knew I wanted what God wanted but didn’t know what that was, I didn’t know what I really wanted either. I wanted both to be the same, but I wasn’t every really free in that. I hoped for good things to come, but didn’t expect to figure out where I was going anytime soon. I didn’t think I would ever “just know.” I assumed I would have to be happy enough with something, happy enough with any vocation, any convent, or any guy. I would just need to choose anything and pray for happiness. Now I was experiencing what I longed for, the clarity and peace and joy that this was God’s will for me and I continued to experience that daily.

    I have loved every day knowing Stephen and getting to spend time with him over this last year. Stephen has never failed to treat me with utmost care, kindness and respect. There’s too many examples, but I want to mention a few just to illustrate the kind of man he is. One day early in our relationship he happened to run into me getting some groceries at Brookshire brothers. He took the basket from me and walked around as I got my groceries and then carried all of out out to my car before going back in to get his own. The first time he cooked for me I offered to help with anything and he said no you can just go sit over there and be comfortable, I want to do this for you. I said I could wash dishes, and he said no I’ll do the dishes. On his birthday we went out to eat and my plate came back with something I was allergic to on it to my surprise, it didn’t mention that in the description on the menu. He with-out hesitating traded plates with me. He was right there for me every day through my battle with covid. He let me call him anytime and I sure needed that because quarantine is depressing. He made deliveries of necessities, prescription meds, pedialyte, and a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a letter that really brightened my confinement. When I was over the fever he would sit outside with me and visit at a safe distance. I’ll say it again Stephen treated me in all ways, all the time as I knew I deserved to be treated, but he somehow always even went above and beyond that. These things are natural to him, it is just who he is. He never has made a show of it or drawn any attention to what he does. He’s the definition of humble and kind. He still treats me this way to this day. Early on before he even said it, I knew I was loved and I loved him.

    We eventually met each other’s families, spent Easter together, went on a mini road trip to Enchanted Rock, went to a few picnics together and danced to polkas. Explored a cave, took a beach trip, visited a wildlife park and have taken many walks out in the pasture. He was invited to my family’s Rockport vacation and he naturally fit in with everyone. He has given my niece Aubrey and I a couple rides in the fire truck when he read at the library and for the Kolache Fest parade which definitely won her over. For her birthday this year she has asked for a fire engine! I’ve enjoyed getting to know his family too as they’ve welcomed me with so much love it has brought me to tears on a couple occasions. They are just as wonderful as he, we’ve both been truly blessed with amazing people in our families. It has been a lot of fun sharing our lives together over the last year. The best things in life are even better when shared with those you love.

    On August 25^th  I went out to help my dad feed and found a piece of petrified wood. I told Stephen I found a rock for him and he responded that he had a rock for me too. He says he was just kidding around and wasn’t thinking about having a diamond for me, but I admit my wheels were turning when he made that comment! We had planned to have a “nice date” that Friday, the 27th, to get dressed up and head to Victoria. The whole way home from school I was ranting about one thing or another and he just listened. I got home and got dressed up, glad to soon be just spending the evening with Stephen. He picked me up and said we needed to stop by his house for a laptop because things were going on at work that may need his service. He told me to come inside so I didn’t get hot in the truck. I never thought anything of this. He let me through the door first. There on the table was a gorgeous bouquet of roses and a tiny little box. I was in shock. I thought oh my gosh is this it! Is he proposing!? But I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high in case he wasn’t. What if he was just surprising me with new jewelry, something sweet just because he loves me, then I’d feel silly. Then I said be real Alyson, this is it! (these thoughts occurred in seconds.) I turned to him and said, I forgot your rock…. Stephen smiled and came around and took the box and opened it to reveal a gorgeous diamond ring, he got on one knee and asked the question. I said yes with lots of happy tears and the rest is history! 

                             

    Romans 5:5, “God has poured out His love into our hearts.” This love of God is a beautiful thing that Stephen and I have been blessed to experience together over this past year in the love we have for each other. It is apparent we’re both who God had planned for each other and His timing for us is perfect. I had been looking, searching, and praying trying to figure out what decision I could or should make then Jesus hand selected for me way better than I could have chosen on my own. We have to let go and let Him lead! One evening in his prayer, Stephen said, “thank you God for the perfect Alyson.” At first I wanted to object and say no, it isn’t possible for me to be perfect, only God is perfection. I wasn’t going to correct him in a prayer though. What he said stuck with me. It made me think about the “pearl” that I am to God, as I am created, He loves me perfectly. We’re called to love each other as Christ loves us, the love we have comes from Christ. In what Stephen prayed, I realized he loves me unconditionally, as I am. I realized this is how Jesus has called Him to love me and I was profoundly in awe and grateful. I truly believe Stephen has been in God’s plan for me with the love Jesus has for me. I know in my heart Jesus has called me to love Stephen in this way too, as he is, as Jesus created him, a perfect gift.

   As I finish this reflection of the past year I am in awe and so grateful for how God has worked in my life, in our lives! Please keep us both in your prayers as we continue to prepare and countdown to June 18, 2022, the day we will in love with Christ in His Church, confer to each other the sacrament of Holy Matrimony! 1